Don't Be A Donkey About It

It's been an age since I last wrote anything, blog-wise or other. But today, I just feel like writing.

What happens when you think you're making progress, and getting better at something only to be evaluated and told you're not, you haven't, reached the standard expected of you? And who gets to set that standard anyway? Surely personal standards are more important? Or a discussion should at least preceed any sort of mutually agreeable standards. Well, in my case, it comes down to me once again trying to get some sort of "ok", acceptance, pat on the back... When WILL I stop doing that?!

The fact of the matter is that we're obsessed with recognition. There are a hell of a lot of people out there who go about there business seemingly not caring (do they?), and to be perfectly honest, I admire that. I wish I could so easily throw all sensitivity out the window and throw around comments I haven't thought through. But I don't. I think it must have its roots in some weird childhood pathology: "please see me, please recognise me, please hear me". But be that as it may, and whatever its bearing on today's reality, childhood can't be blamed.

I think what it really means is that I have just got to step it up a bit, put on the big girl panties and stop crying. Stop expecting and start creating, my own world, without so much as a second thought for the selfish blighter(s) I tend to allow to influence me, to bring me down, to make me doubt myself. It's the way I like to think I live my life, but sometimes these little (read: BIG) hiccups come along and sometimes they bring a tear or two (or a toilet tissue roll worth). It's all about how you pick yourself up, no? Yes?

How do you pick yourself up, when someone else is intent on not allowing that? I'll tell you how I plan to do it. A bottle of wine, a friend's ear to twist, a grand plan, and hope. Smiling all the way...